Learning to push....

Yesterday, after I thwarted a job that would take me down the same path I have been on for several years (working 60 hours a week, cleaning up someone else's mess, forgetting to live my life for myself) I went to the gym to literally "work it out."  I have been set on a routine, 45 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the bike or treadmill, twice a week with the Great High Fiver...I was getting frustrated with the stagnancy of what I was doing. So, on Sunday I decided I was going to mix up my routine on my days when I do not work with the GHF.  I continued this yesterday and it's much more of a challenge then I thought it would be. I really have to push beyond my own expectations of what I think I can do.  I pushed through 30 minutes on the elliptical, but upped my intensity. I then attacked the treadmill. I chose to follow what I have been doing with the GHF, but extend the time from 5 minutes to 10. I walk a minute, run a minute. This pushes me to ignore my inner panic of what other people might think when they see me running, even if it is only for a minute at a time.  I just push past what I think I look like and what I think other people see and just do it. (of course, without fail, some super-fit, perfect person will get on the treadmill next to me and run like the wind...fucker...)  I then in all my sweating glory (I officially get the rings of sweat on my shirt now- it's my talisman!) I go to a bike and ride up hill for 10-15 minutes. By the time I am done I feel really alive and accomplished and I proud that I pushed through all the mental crap, because I can do it. I'm also ready to curl up in a fetal position in the shower...but curling up would take a great deal of effort!

I want to push like this in my life as a whole. I took a major step yesterday in walking away from that job. I thought I had to take it. I thought it was my only option. But my gut instinct kicked in and for the first time I can remember, I listened. Not out of fear, but out of self-preservation. Yes, I had to call a friend for reassurance (thank you Nic!!!) But in the end, I pushed back all the reasons to stay and get myself into a mess that would not lift me up, and did what I internally knew was right for me.  It felt selfish and dangerous, it felt reckless and irresponsible, but I pushed through it, and much like the end of session at the gym, I felt alive and proud and like I did good.  It makes me wonder where else I can push myself. Makes me want to redo my resume and list my personal attributes and not just my work experience. Wouldn't that be something? To submit a resume like that?

Shelly Cross

Mission Statement: Seeking self-discovery in an environment that supports personal growth and gentle pushes in the right direction.
Qualifications:
-  loving
- cute as a button (quoting Grandma Cross here)
- well traveled
- good friend
- kind to others
- smart as a whip
- explorer of new things


You get the idea...